Friday, March 18, 2016

Limestone County Detention Center

Limestone County Detention Center.


Limestone County Detention Centre.

For a great travel destination, and a wonderful opportunity at higher education, I recommend Limestone County Detention Center in beautiful Groesbeck, Texas.  I learned a lot at Limestone Detention Center University, and with the right amount of luck, you could too!  It's a free vacation getaway style school, and you can buy your way in, but I can't recommend that, cause you can get into it for free!  You only have to be at the right places, and at the right times.  Trying to get a good photo for this article, my computer continually came under attack, and my protection programs sprang into action!  You see, LCDC University never really stops giving gifts of knowledge.  You just can't beat this deal anywhere, and if you get the deal, you might get some opportunities to exercise your rights to try!

How To Get To Limestone County Detention Center!!!!

Welcome To Limestone County Detention Center!

Now, upon entering your new vacation home at Limestone County Detention Center, one should take special note of the guard towers, and the gunmen that sit up at the top of them all day, you see, one doesn't just come to Limestone County Detention Center, you have to get special permission to attend this little known resort community! You shouldn't let those big iron bars, or that razor wire fool you, you'll be leaving sooner or later, this is no roach motel, but you could be leaving in a pine box if you get too close to the razor wired fences, the men in the guard towers would be so eager for you to climb, they get little target practice.
There's a lot of strange men in cell block ten,
but the strangest of them all, was a friend of mine,
who spent his time, staring at the wall!
Now, when you get to Limestone County Detention Center, you'll soon get to know the Director of Activities there, a wonderful, and oh so friendly, barrel of a man named Chief Holmes, now, the Chief's family actually owns this wonderful institution! I mean, you tell me, just what were the chances that a family member would excel in the system so well that he actually wound up the Chief of operations??!!!
Sing along with me now:
It's a small world, After all.
It's a small world, After All.
It's a Small, Small World!
Your diet at beautiful Limestone Detention Center is largely made up of soybean and cabbage, in fact, I learned to love cabbage so much there, that I can hardly eat it at all now, the beautiful memories that I get now just aren't as real as it used to be there, in vacation land.
There was even speculation at times that the Holmes family also owned a cabbage farm, but really, the odds get so astronomical sometimes, it's like some folks must just be crazy, or something.

Upon Arrival.

Upon arriving at my vacation dreamland, the wonderful Limestone County Detention Center, I couldn't help but notice that most of the folks there were just like me!  Oh sweet Jesus, I was home amongst my fellows.  We all got to wear the same clothes, and there were more clothes for sale on commissary, and it's a good thing too!  The walls in that wonderful commune get so cold in Winters that condensation collects, and runs down the walls all day, forming healthy little puddles of Mother's Nature's bliss!  It helps, you know, to remember that there is an outside world.  I couldn't help but notice that all of my fellows there were from my own caste, in the social caste system, the "untouchables!"  You see, wealthy persons simply are not allowed to visit that place, it's an exclusive community!

I also couldn't help but notice that there was a large segment there that wore DIFFERENT colour clothes, and all of those guys were a darker shade of brown than me, and most of them were from Mexico.  I guess they were special, or something, and guess what!  After having worked so very hard, at under average, and low wages, they got a bonus for their stay in the United States, they got FREE rides back to Mexico after their FREE stay at Limestone County Detention Resort Center!.  I guess they kept them separated from the rest of us, so as to prevent us from being jealous of all of the freebies that they were getting, that we weren't even offered.  I'd already been to Mexico several times though, but I had to keep that one to myself.  I don't want folks to think, ever, that I'm more privileged   than some others.  The place is very strict about keeping certain economic classes of people outside.

Continuing Education.

Many classes are offered at Limestone County Detention Center, but the classes are all taught in the communal living environments and groups. The administration leaves learning up to the guests entirely! In fact, to enhance the learning experience, most learning activities are forbade by staff! They don't tell you this, but the truth is that it's all one great big game, so very challenging(not really), yet so very fun!(really!)

1. Bare Knuckle Boxing : Bare Knuckle boxing is a time honored, and attendee favorite at Limestone County Detention Center, part of the fun and the challenge is that matches could be called at any random interval, day or night, even during communal meals! Sometimes the guards root, and cheer their favorites on, and even intervene on the behalf of the beneficiary of their personal preferences! Now, it's universally recognized that the Limestone County Detention Center University attendee's are more intelligent than the guards, or "tour guides," as I like to call them; but nobody can ever say that the tour guides don't get excited about their work! I once saw one get so excited during a Bare Knuckle Boxing match, that he used some silver bracelets, and accidentally broke the jaw of his favorite boxer's opponent! That's the type of zealous behavior that such wonderful learning centers LOVE to have on staff!

2. Culinary Arts: One of the primary goals of the culinary arts program at Limestone County Detention Center, is to help the vacation goer to learn food appreciation. This is achieved by overdosing the men in the communal centers with soybean products, a product well known to raise estrogen levels, and thus, ironic though it may be, aggression in males. I suppose that this is another game played by the staff, they love the Bare Knuckle Boxing matches so thoroughly. Regardless, in the classes, if you are lucky, you'll get to learn all about the art form known as "the spread," and this is a wonderful culinary delight made from Ramen Noodles, BBQ corn chips, any cheese available, and Jack Mackerel. Enjoy!

3. Body Art : Now, tattooing is an art form, and at Limestone County Detention Center, one, with the right communal living arrangements, can learn some non traditional means of creating tattoo body art. Skill include making tattoo guns from small electric motors "appropriated" for use in this endeavor from the maintenance department, and the fine art of making black tattoo ink from burned baby oil. Now, I know you're wondering how all of this is done, and I have to admit that my engineering skills concerning turning the motors from small battery operated devices into a tattoo gun aren't up to par, but I did learn how to make a very good black tattoo ink from burned baby oil; and that explanation is found in the following craft.

4. Fire Starting: Fire starting in communal living at fine, educational resorts like the Limestone County Detention center is a tremendous cat and mouse game played there, and in other resort communities like it. Of course the game is not only to create new ways to start a fire, but also to beat the fire detection systems, and the communal living supervisory staff. It's the staff's implicit goal to perfect the vacation goers abilities to start fires and not get caught. Fire starting, after all, is an essential skill, and the earliest men from the Hunter and Gatherer era had to start fires in order to survive the winters, and cook their saber tooth tiger meat. It's only different in communal vacation resorts, like that of the Limestone County Detention Center, in that there are no saber tooth tiger steaks to cook, there are only cigarettes to light, and baby oil to burn to make tattoo ink.

Really, there are several cat and mouse games being played here; let me explain:

A. Cigarettes are supposedly against the rules, but the only way to get tobacco is to have it brought in by the rule enforcement staff, this is to let you know without it being said that it's just a game. Getting paper to roll the tobacco is . . .yet another aspect of the game, and the preferred and best paper for this is what we used to call "I45." Now, I have no idea why it was called I45, but I can only suspect that it had something to do with Interstate 45, I don't know, but the paper that we called "I45" is the paper that covers the toilet paper rolls. The rule enforcement and gaming supervisory staff at the communal vacation living center knows this, and tries to remove the "I45," and throw it away. Invariably the communal living vacationers overcome this, and acquire it anyway in order to smoke the forbidden tobacco that the supervisory rule enforcement staff. . . .also provides.

B. Fire Alarm Systems: I know that it's all fun and games in vacation paradise, but I, in order to better understand how things worked at such fine, luxury destinations, decided to go to work for a time in the maintenance department, and I did it for free too; I just appreciated my vacation at Limestone County Detention Center that much. I also got to save the entire facility, and the lives and comfort of many, from the "less than cool" practices of the hired help, as the HVAC mechanic/communal living supervisor. . . .nearly killed himself, and burnt the facility to the ground, by unplugging an air conditioning compressor at exactly the moment that the thermostat determined that it should start. Man, seeing those flames shoot out of the thing were almost worth the price of admission. . . .and that guy was so smooth a fire starter, that he was about to start a fire, kill himself, etc; without even trying. Nothing but the best at the LCDC, my friends, nothing but the BEST. Anyway, I installed the fucking fire alarm system at the Limestone County Detention Center in Winter 02'/03'. . . .then decided that I liked the advantages of 24/7 communal living, reading, and card games much better.

C. Pencil and Electrical Socket. In the communal living quarters at the Limestone County Detention Center, fires can easily be started, and the fun of the evasion cat and mouse game enhanced, with the acquisition of a pencil. You see, the "lead" in the pencil, even though it is not actually lead, conducts electricity, and should you break the pencil "lead" into three pieces, and insert two of them into the current carrying slots of an electrical outlet, take the third, and longest piece, and entwine it into toilet paper, you can then create an electrical arc by touching the toilet paper entwined piece to the two pieces in the load baring slots of the electrical circuit. The only other thing you need to play this time honored cat and mouse fire starting game, is yet another square of toilet paper to catch fire to, and then you can light your cigarette!! Now, the exact same thing can be done with the razors from razor blades, but razor blades for shaving are actually made of metal, and with metal, too much amperage will flow from the circuit, and you'll inevitably trip the circuit breaker, and then you'd have to hit the wall panic button, snitch button, or general, "hey, fuck you" button, and with the cat that ate the canary grin, asked someone to please reset the breaker, as you've got noodles to cook, and need to be able to turn on your hot pot. Of course there are other ways to start fires in communal living quarters at Limestone County Detention Center; but maybe you should buy my book about it online!


First of all, I have no book for you to buy online, if you want my stories, you can find them at Hubpages and Info Barrel. I've decided that I could stretch Google's tolerance for shits and giggles with dozens of future hubs or barrels, you know, stories and articles like, "how to smuggle methamphetamine into Kaufman County Law Enforcement Center," or, "How to have marijuana successfully sent to you in the mail in Limestone County Detention Center;" and even a complete "How To" article concerning making tattoo ink in jails or prisons. I don't have tats, btw, but I certainly appreciate any art form, or cat and mouse game in which "wise men," or cops are proven to be fools.


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